Thursday, December 20, 2012

Mama's Losin' It! Writing Prompt

2.) Share a favorite Christmas memory.

My favorite Christmas Memory from Christmas is the note that Santa leaves the kids every year.  The letter always addresses the kids and the good they have done and where they should try to work a little harder.  Santa is very understanding of how hard it is to be a kid and recognizes that they are trying. There is always a special note of thanks for the cookies, milk and reindeer food.

This particular note was telling the girls that even though Mom and Dad were no longer together that both of us love them very much.  It also let the girls know that they were kinda lucky because now they were getting a growing family to love them. 

The other favorite memory is making reindeer food and having the girls spread it.  Our reindeer food is safe we DO NOT put Glitter in the food.  We mix a little hot coco, plain oatmeal, and sprinkles in a bowl then divide it between the kids that are there to take home for Christmas Eve.  Christmas Eve we sprinkle the the food outside for the reindeer to eat while Santa is in the house.

Enjoying Everything

Since my last post that wasn't a writing prompt I have been off the computer for awhile.Had kind of a shitty month and a half :(

I went in for my mammogram I ended up needing a second one and will need to go back in 6 months so they can recheck.  I also had a MRI on my breast (it's just a precaution for people with BRCA) which was extraordinarily uncomfortable but came back clear so that's excellent news.  In between all that I ended up at the emergency room for horrible hip and leg pain which was later diagnosed as sciatica.  The sciatica so far has been horrible, I live every day in pain before this but this pain is weird and unbearable.  My house was also full of sick people.  My daughters got colds and sinus infections, I got strep and my husband got a cold and a sinus infection.  All while I was literally laid up could hardly move.  I have to say when the Lord wants you to slow down he definitely can stop you dead in your tracks.

I am finally back up to sitting and walking around a bit.  Trying to get back into the swing of life without over doing it.  I am so blessed because my mother-in-law helped so much getting my from school and me to doctor's appointments.  She definitely is a blessing.  My husband also rocked the house by cooking every night even when he was sick as all get out.   He picked up all the slack with the house.  I can only say I don't know what I would have done without the two of them.

I truly made a point to try and enjoy everything I could from my couch :(.  The weekend that the whole house was sick we had a movie marathon.  As the girls started feeling better they decorated the tree it was so cute because the tree was decorated just to about 4 ft the rest of the top was bare.  As I was able to stand in short amounts I helped and we got part of the top decorated.  WE as a family managed to make what could have been completely miserable enjoyable.  I am so proud of our family.

I am so slowly getting better but we are figuring out how to do things around me being laid up.  The Lord has his reasons for slowing us down and I really believe it's so that we can remember to enjoy everything.

With all of that being said I can't go with out saying how devastated I was with the Newtown shooting. I can't imagine how the families are dealing with all of this.  I pray for them a lot.  That Friday night my ex had our girls for the weekend.  I was so blessed that when I asked he had them call me just so I could hear there voices.  Then that very next day was when we celebrated my husbands birthday which happened to have been on Friday I was able to have the girls for a few hours.  It felt so good to have them just to see them.  I have to say Monday was terrifying because we live in CT and I just couldn't imagine them going back into school.   I was able to pray and remember that their school is rather secure it has a wonderful security guard which is new this school year.  I was ever so thankful for him.

Monday night my youngest daughter passed her belt test at karate something to enjoy. (here is a pictures of her when she started her journey)

She is now going to be a second degree brown belt.  It's the small things.

I am so very sorry for all that happened here in our little state but in the aftermath the amount of people coming out to show support for the families is amazing.  There are people building human walls to shield the families from negative things and show there support.

I unfortunately can't give credit to the photographer as I couldn't find their name listed.
This is just some of the good things that are being done for this small town.  There are funeral home directors volunteering there time as this town is so small that they only have one funeral home.  A man from California called the local coffee shop and paid for a day of coffee for anyone who came into that store.  America is coming together and trying to help this community heal.  It doesn't take away the horrible things that happened but does show that there is still love out there.  I will continue to pray that God will continue to wrap his arms around those effected and comfort them.

No I didn't see it coming, she was sly as can be. (she could be they but can't change the song)

From Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop  
5.) Take a line from a song you love and turn it into the title of your next blog post. Let the content follow.

Got an ex-old man and an ex-best girlfriend by Kristen Kelly

My ex-husband moved me out while I was the hospital and moved my ex-best girlfriend in.  I have to laugh every time I hear the song because I wouldn't have ever gotten where I am now with out all that funny business.  I was hurt at the time but now I see it as all of part of Gods plan.  I needed the help I got in the hospital. I probably wouldn't have left which was turning into being a bad situation without him having moving me out.  So I am blessed that all that happened, happened the way it did.

After coming out of the hospital (it was a mental health hospital)  I was enrolled into a out patient program DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) to learn things that I didn't know things like how to cope with stress in healthy manner.  How to deal with life situations that seem to bury you.  How to stop doing the things I had been doing that were not healthy for me.  I learned a lot in this program and I truly feel that I was blessed to get to participate in it.  I learned that a lot about life is done by living in the moment, not living thinking about all the what if's in the world.  Things happen for a reason and this was one of them.

After getting out of the program I started to try new things, challenge myself to do things outside my comfort zone.

Yeah that's me coming down from walking across a rope course!!! I am still very proud of myself for that moment.  I am terrified of heights and I did it.  I keep trying to push myself to do my best at everything I do and to adventure outside of my comfort zone.  

The absolute best thing about all of this is that I became the mom that I am supposed to be, to my beautiful daughters. 

I am so blessed I reconnected with God and I met my husband.  He is the man that changed my mind about ever getting married again.
I am truly blessed. :)

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Each and Everyday is a Gift

A friend of mine just kicked cancers ass!!! I am so excited  for him and his family.  My step mom was able to kick breast cancers ass, so there are a number of people who have won the battle.  Unfortunately there are far to many people who are taken by the horrible disease. My  sister in law was one of the most wonderful people in the world but unfortunately didn't win her battle.  My ex husband has had several surgeries to remove skin cancer tumors as well as his father and grandfather.  I can't believe how much cancer touches everyone.

I just found out that I am a BRAC 2 gene carrier.

What does  BRCA2  mean :

 A gene on chromosome 13 that normally helps to suppress cell growth. A person who inherits certain mutations (changes) in a BRCA2 gene has a higher risk of getting breast, ovarian, prostate, and other types of cancer.
I am on a course of preventative measures I go for my first course of mammogram, sonogram and MRI to get a baseline soon.  I have to wait for my insurance to agree to the testing.  Then I will be monitored every 6 months.  I am thankful for medical technology that lets me know how to start getting on with the rest of my life.  Am I worried I will end up with cancer?? A little but at least now I know one way I might get cancer.  I also wear sunscreen to help prevent getting skin cancer and I go to a dermatologist to have my moles looked at.  I am lucky so far I am cancer free and I pray that I stay that way but if I can't I pray that I am able to kick cancer's ass the way my friend just did.

So for now I am just thankful for each and every day that God has been able to give me.  I hope that everyone is able to take each day as a gift even if it's one you have to struggle for.   I come such a long way from where I was a few years ago.  When I was struggling through my depression news like being a carrier for BRCA2 would have been devastating not a blessing.  Now I am able to see it as a blessing a daily reminder that I am only here for a short while and that I should make each and every moment worth living.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

It occurred to me that smiling is great.

I have an amazing relationship with God and it has shown me so many things.  I used to always focus on the negative things and wonder why God didn't help me.  Through prayer, therapy and God's grace I realized that I always had the ability to change how I thought and those simple changes would help me see things in a much more positive light.  I am no were near perfect but I don't need to be.  I need to be happy with who I am and realize that I am a work in progress just like everyone else.

So with that new knowledge I realized that when things are going bad the simple act of putting a smile on my face helps me to deal with what is going on around me.   It doesn't mean I am happy about everything or that I am not ever going to cry but it makes it a bit more bearable with that smile.

I am not trying to tell everyone to smile every second of every day.  That is not possible nor practical, but to realize when I am having a bad day try putting a smile on my face and see how that little act of smiling makes others smile too.  If the day I am having is making it to hard to have a smile on my face try to find the smile on my inside, and remember not to actually be frowning outwardly.

I realize that it sounds silly to do but seriously a good smile does help.  Acting a little goofy lets your brain have a break from whatever it is that is bothering you.  This is one that I think helps kids learn they can change their own moods without our help.  Teaching children that if they go into any situation they have the power to choose if they are going to try and be okay with it or be very upset.  The simple act of putting a smile on your face and looking for the good in the situation helps make things we don't want to do better.  Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do but being upset, frowning and just moody doesn't make it any better, right??  We know we have to do it so going in with a positive attitude, a smile and looking for the positive in the event helps.

Think about how different the out comes of a doctors visit would be if you are going in for a shot:
     First you go and your mad cause you hate shots and your mood is down and your frowning.  You snap at the staff and make others grumpy too. You grumble about having had to go to the Dr. to everyone all day just being moody.  (Something you might not know is your bad mood and grouchiness rubbed off on other's in the waiting room and the staff possibly making them have a bad day)
     Second, you go in you have a smile on your face (you still hate shots), you pray for some strength and for God to help you get through this.  You talk to the staff about your worries and they explain why you need to get this shot and possibly give you a technique to help deal with the anxiety about the shot.  You let others know about your Dr.visit and how you learned something new.  (Somethings your mood did for others the smile you had on your face, cheered up someone in the waiting room who was also nervous.  You learned something new and made the staff feel good about being able to help you.  You shared your experience with others taught them something they may not have known.  Your own mood lightened as you shared your positive experience.)

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Why?? What Makes me so Special???

Why do a blog?  Why do a blog trying to help others? Why share some of the things I have gone through in this life?

I feel I was called to do this blog as my form of a mission outreach.  Our church just recently had a missionary come visit and teach us about how part of our work as Christians is to spread the word of God and his teachings to those who haven't hear of God.  Listening to him speak my heart called out to me you should do that.  I knew that because I share custody of my two daughters with my ex-husband  that I would never be able to go abroad, at least not for quite a few years.  So my head began to do what it does (as you will find out there are times when my mind goes three million miles a minute in two million different directions and unfortunately sometimes my writing reflects that) and I thought of different ways to reach people from here in CT.  I have had two other blogs that I started and used for awhile but my heart was not completely into them, so they fizzled out.  So the thought of starting a blog that would not only help spread the word of God and his teaching but also a blog that would help others.  I talked this over with my husband, we prayed and he agreed that if this is something that I am feeling called to do that I should at least give it a shot.  I pray that this is where God wanted me to use my ability to talk to help others and that I am able to make this blog work where I was not able to make my others work.

I am by far not a pastor and I have a lot in my life that I could choose to be ashamed of instead of I am choosing to admit those failures to God and to you my readers. I know for all of my wrong doings, I regret having made those choices but I have confessed those sins to God and believe that I have been forgiven.  1 John 1:7-9 But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.  If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
Read more: Those choices led me here to where I am and although I regret them because they were wrong and I sinned I don't regret where I am now.  What makes me so great I can blog??  Well nothing,  I am just a person that loves writing, but I am horrible at spelling and grammar (nothing overly special).  I feel like my life has been blessed by God.  He has lead me from a very destructive path and brought me into the light. A path that God always wanted me to be on.

I have never read the bible from front to back.  I have read parts of the bible and studied different parts of the bible but never cover to cover.  At some points in my life I was just a holiday Christian.  To be completely honest it wasn't until my husband and I found this church, New Life Church I wasn't sure that I would ever find a church that I wanted to go to every Sunday again.  I had found one when I had lived in Missouri but the move to Connecticut seemed to leave me looking for churches but coming up empty.  I had even stopped looking for a couple of years.   So I will be posting scriptures that I feel link to what I am talking about as I continue on this blog journey,  I will eventually read the whole bible as well but I still tend to need the Internet to help me find the scripture that I am looking for even when I know kind of what I want. This doesn't mean that every post will have scripture in it because I feel it's my calling to help everyone find the positive things in their lives since a lot of us struggle with this.  I myself struggled with sever clinical depression, I am currently recovering and no longer on medication for my depression.  It's been a long hard path but I feel with all the things I have learned I should share them and hopefully help others.

Right now I am a substitute teacher, who's birthday is next week.  I am planning my oldest daughter's birthday party the day before our wedding (yes I am already married to my husband).  We didn't have a full wedding when we got married and now that we have a Church we would like to get married in front of God, our family and friends.  Our first wedding was the day after my younger daughter's birthday with just our mothers and the justice of the peace present.    So when my older daughter asked for this wedding to be the day after her birthday we said okay, being the goofy couple we are we aren't planning on celebrating our anniversary as the day of the weddings any way we plan on celebrating the day we met.  So I doing my best to write out a post a week I hope but please understand I maybe a little busy for the next couple of weeks.  I have ideas going in my journal while I am on break at school so I really hope that I can get them all out there to you all.

We are each blessed, whether we choose to see it or not.  Some of the simplest things to be able to help see the positive in your life is to start talking note of them, you can start a small note book where you write down some positive things that you noticed or just recognize them.

Top of our blessings God loves us and is here for us.
One thing you are blessed with is that you have the ability to read.
Two you have the ability to use a computer and the Internet.